Lessons Learned in 2014

I’ve learned so many things over this past year that I can’t help but share them. I’ve decided to share what I learned in each month as the year progressed. These lessons include stories, insights, and advice that I was given to get through the good times as well as the hard times. Whether you know me well or not, I hope you can relate to any one thing, or at least know that you aren’t alone. I believe we should share our experiences with others who may be struggling with similar things so that we might be able to help each other through our hardships.

Here we go.

January- Just because it’s a new year, that doesn’t mean you start with an empty slate.

If you don’t keep up with your good habits, the bad ones seep through and they don’t fix themselves. YOU must do the fixing.

The lesson here that I learned was that just because the New Year brought new motivation, that didn’t mean I would miraculously become someone better. Not without continuous hard work on my part, anyway.

Let’s face it. I have bad habits that I sink into every now and then. I don’t always do everything I would like to do when I would like to do them.

We are the ones responsible for whether or not we fall back into bad habits. The first of the year is a great time to make new resolutions and to start new with our goals, but it's the continuously working on them throughout the year that matters the most. You also can’t forget about the things you wished you would have fixed from the year before. They don’t just go away.

February- You shouldn’t make yourself so busy that you can’t spend time with ALL the people you love.

There may come a time when all you want to do is spend your time with one person. That’s a great feeling. It’s nice when you realize that not every person on the earth bugs you, and you don’t get sick of spending time with someone. I absolutely love that feeling.

However, relationships take effort. Right now I’m talking about the relationships we grow up with in our own homes. Our family. Yes, even that one takes effort.

What I’m getting at here is that it’s important to make time for those you love. If you love your family, spend genuine time with them every now and then. Genuine time means you make an effort to start conversations and you get to know them. You may think there is nothing more to learn because you’ve lived with them for X amount of years, but they are changing just as you are. There is always something more to learn.

I’ve mentioned it before in an earlier blog entry, but Thomas Edison stated this, “There is time for everything.” The more I think about this statement, the more I think about the word “everything” and what “everything” includes for me personally. Everything that I hold important in my life I am going to make time for. So, if you want to know what your priorities are, then think about the things you consistently make time for.

Your loved ones should be included in your “everything”. Let me rephrase that… ALL of your loved ones should be included in your “everything”.

I’ve learned that for me personally, spending time with my family was and is crucial to being happy. There was a few times during this past year when I neglected to make my family apart of my “everything” and those were the times when I felt more alone and lost.

It was when I learned to spend time with my family AND other loved ones that my life became instantly happier. Your family likes to be included in on some of the things you are involved in, including the people whom you are involved with.

March- Listen. Then don’t rush your actions.

It was in March when I was faced with a lot of decisions. Sure, throughout my lifetime I have been faced with many decisions before, but this was the first time that my decisions would affect other people no matter what I chose. Not just myself.

I received some advice from a respected adult and leader on making decisions. He said something along the lines of, “When making a decision, before you settle on taking a certain action or specific answer, take a couple days to think about every possible outcome. It doesn’t hurt to take your time. Time is a gift.”

Obviously, I hope you don’t take a couple days to ponder about whether you should buy green dish soap or orange dish soap. That’s ridiculous. I’m talking about big decisions here.

We will all face big decisions. I would advise you the next time to take longer than you normally would, to be certain you are doing what is best for you.

Another thing I learned came from my parents. “You can control what you say, but you can’t control how people react.”

In regards to making a decision that involves another person-- Rushing an action can cause you to say something you may not have meant to say, which can then cause a reaction you never meant to cause. Taking the time to think about what you should say to someone can help you get your point across clearly, which in turn can help how they may react.

I’ll never forget that—“You can control what you say, but you can’t control how people react.”

Sometimes the honest truth must be said, and you have to come to the realization that you won’t be able to control the outcome or reaction you receive. As long as you feel it was the right thing to do, it’s ok. Just have compassion.

April- When the Lord tells you to do something, do it. 

In April, I felt like I was on my knees more than I was on my feet. I prayed to my Heavenly Father constantly asking for direction. Still facing some hard decisions as well as some reactions to those decisions, I had no idea where to go without my Heavenly Father.

Without going into to much detail about what my decision was, my Heavenly Father gave me a surprising answer. It was the complete opposite to what my family wanted me to do, as well as many others. This was the most difficult part. How was I supposed to go against the people I loved in order to fulfill the Lords will? Would they understand what I was doing? I don’t think I even fully understood what I was doing. I just did it.

Essentially, my Heavenly Father told me to “hold on”, while many others told me to “let go”. This was all in regards to a certain person I was dating, who had entered my life 6 months earlier.

I did as the Lord had asked. I held onto this person.

It brought a lot of hurt.

It brought a lot of conflict.

It brought a lot of confusion.

It brought a lot of tears.

This didn’t seem like my Heavenly Fathers Plan of Happiness, but there is another side to His plan. And that is this:

Learning.

Because I held on, it brought a lot of lessons learned.

I learned that I had a lot more fight in my heart than I thought.

I learned that, in the end, I wanted someone to fight for me as hard as I fought for them.

I learned that growth doesn’t come unless you learn something and are stretched.

I learned that growth brought happiness. It just didn’t blossom until later.

I learned that I did exactly what my Father in Heaven wanted me to do.

Learn.

Grow.

And in the end—Be happy. The outcome was very different then what I thought would happen, but I’m not living my own plan. It’s His plan, and He knows best.

When the Lord tells you to do something—Do it.

I had much to learn through my decisions, and the Lord knew that. He also knew I wouldn’t learn unless I truly felt what I did. When the time was right, He told me to let go and move on. I did just that. It was still hard, but I was not alone.

I had my experiences behind me.

I had my testimony.

And most importantly, I had my Heavenly Father and Savior by my side.

May- Your family may not necessarily support all of your actions, but they will never give up on you.

As a continuation of April’s lesson learned, my family may not have loved every action I took, but they never gave up on me.

When the Lord told me it was time to let go and move on, my family could have easily said, “I told you so.” They could have made it extremely hard to find a reason as to why everything happened the way it did. Instead they turned to me with open arms and loving hearts. Instead of “I told you so” they said, “I love you” and “how can we help you?”

My family has my back. Even when I drive them bonkers.

I am so grateful for them.

It is sad to say, but I don’t think I truly knew what it meant to love my family, until I felt as if I might lose them. But once I reached this point in my life, I now know without a doubt in my mind, that I LOVE my family. Each and every member. We have our moments of disagreement, but I can’t forget how they were there for me when I needed them the most.

I love my family!

June- If you pray for something with a sincere heart and real intent, the Lord will answer in the most fitting way for you.

Once again, I found myself on my knees. This might be a silly thing to ask for, but at this point in my life all I needed was a friend. So I sincerely prayed for one. It was a Sunday evening when I remember specifically praying for opportunities to meet people.

It was two days later on a Tuesday when my prayer was answered.

A long lost friend had messaged me asking me if I would like to go to institute with him that night. At first I thought it might be awkward to go since I didn’t know very many people, but that’s EXACTLY what I prayed for—An opportunity to meet people, and here it was!

I went and was not only uplifted by a great lesson, but met some people who then invited me to go play volleyball with them after institute.

While playing volleyball, I met even more people who were kind, accepting, and also had similar interests as myself.

I went home that night and prayed to my Heavenly Father in gratitude for answering my prayer so quickly and perfectly.

Ask, and He will answer.

July- What it truly means to be happy. 

At the beginning of the Summer I was struggling with being happy. By letting go and moving on from the guy I had been dating I had a hard time finding happiness. This called for some reflection.

What did it mean to be happy?

How could I get it?

I came to the conclusion that I needed to learn how to make myself happy. I couldn’t depend on others to make me happy for the rest of my life. How sad would that be—To only be happy when the right person talks to us. Or when everything is going perfectly.

But how was I going to learn how to make myself happy?

I started to set goals. Maybe I overbooked myself through the Summer, but I didn’t want to give myself time to forget my purpose of learning to be happy.

Once school ended, I auditioned for Kaysville Idol (a singing competition in Kaysville and Fruit Heights), I started to go to workshops and meetings so I could participate in a scholarship pageant for Kaysville and Fruit Heights, I signed up to run/hike a 16 mile race with my mom in the mountains of Wyoming, I started a job with Fanzz at the corporate office in Salt Lake as a customer service representative, and my family was also going on a couple family trips that I didn’t want to miss out on.

To say the least, I had a busy Summer ahead of me.

As the Summer progressed, I found that I loved working hard to do my best for each activity. I learned a lot more about myself, the main thing being that I was happy because I productively working towards obtaining my goals.

I didn’t take first place in Kaysville Idol, but I made it to the finals and I didn’t forget any lyrics. I was happy.

I didn’t become THEE Miss Kaysville/Fruit Heights, but I did place as 1^st attendant. And I made many friends throughout the process. Knowing I had done my best in every category, I was happy.

I didn’t win the 16-mile race through the mountains of Wyoming; in fact I’m pretty sure I was in the bottom 5… But I finished my very first trail race, and I was happy.

I took advantage of the time I spent with my family on vacations and we made a plethora of wonderful memories together. We were happy.

I bought a car and worked my hardest at my first “real” job. I was happy.

I found that genuine happiness came when I focused on my goals, when I spent time with my family, and when I included my Heavenly Father and Savior in my life.

I am truly happy. And I now know what true joy feels like. No longer do I have to depend on others for that feeling, I can obtain it myself. The people in my life do, however, enhance my life and make it a lot of fun.

August- I can do hard things.

The end of July and August included many hard things that I had to prepare for ahead of time. That meant spending time working on them. The pageant was the last weekend in July and for all those who have no idea what a pageant includes, let me fill you in on my experience.

This one was a little different than most standard scholarship pageants, as it didn’t have a swimsuit section. This was just fine with me! It did include a personal interview with the judges, an opening dance number, a talent portion, a fitness walk, the evening gown portion, as well as two questions onstage.

There was a lot to prepare for.

I found it funny, that the one portion that I was most nervous for was the opening dance routine. This was the only part that wasn’t judged haha.

The day of the interview and performance came. I felt as ready as I could be! For our personal interviews, we had to fill out a bio about ourselves and our interests. Anyone who knows me would know that I had to mention the fact that I wear shoelaces around my neck everyday, and have done so for four years. When I walked into the interview the judges immediately said they were disappointed that they didn’t see a shoelace around my neck. I surprised them as I pulled it out from under my business jacket with the reply, “I always have it with me, but sometimes I like to keep it close to my heart.” Some of them laughed and it instantly broke the ice in the room.

That night at the performance I felt nervous and anxious. The opening dance routine went great as I didn’t forget any of the steps, and after that moment the night flew by so quickly.

For the talent portion, I sang a one minute and thirty second (that’s all the time that was allowed) cover of a song called “Beneath Your Beautiful,” while playing it on the piano. With some quick improv to cover up some slight mistakes in the intro, I sang from my heart to finish strong. I was no longer nervous as I sang the first line, and it became fun because I knew that I had worked so hard to get to that point and to perform the song the way I did.

Standing in a line, holding hands with all the girls who I had trained with for months to be up on that stage that night, I couldn’t believe it when my name was announced for earning the title “1^st Attendant”. I had worked so hard to get there, and I felt like I truly earned my new position for the next year.

The following week was our race in Wyoming. This was one thing that I really should have prepared more for throughout the summer.

The race was called “El Vaquero Loco” which translates to mean “The Crazy Cowboy”. What a fitting name for a rugged trail race in some beautiful mountains.

For this race, there were two different race distances you could sign up for—a 25K (16 miles) and a 50K (32 miles). My mom, my aunt and uncle, my sister-in-law’s mom, and I signed up for the 25K, while my brother, his wife, her dad, and my dad signed up for the 50K. What was unique about this, was the layout of the race. The 50K runners started earlier than the 25K runners and they also started at the finish line, went to the halfway mark, and back to the finish line. The 25K runners started at the halfway mark and went to the finish. A majority of this race was uphill and steep while the last 3 or 4 miles was downhill (for the 25K runners anyway).

As I started the race, I was excited, but that was probably because I had no idea what was ahead.

I fell behind quickly because I knew that if I kept my pace with the fastest, I would end up having an asthma attack or injuring myself. I found myself toward the back where I could be alone and go at my own pace. I told myself that it didn’t matter what place I came in, but that I finished.

Not long after I started, I began to see some of the 50K runners making their way to the halfway point. I was struggling physically with some of the hills and also mentally and emotionally from being passed by so many 50K runners. Twice—As they had reached the halfway mark and started their way back to the finish.

There was one point where I was feeling quite discouraged on the trail. I was alone, already tired, and the fact that it had only been 3 or 4 miles was both embarrassing and discouraging. It was at this time when I saw my dad come running down the hill I was trying to climb. He had a big smile on his face as he approached me and saw the pain in my eyes. I’ll never forget what he said to me. “You’re doing great, Madi. Keep going. I have been where you are going, and I know you can do this.” He then took my picture and kept on his way. I felt a new energy to keep moving. It was hard, but my dad was right. I could do this!

Time continued to pass and as I reached mile 6 I was experiencing extreme pain in my left hip flexor. I think the worse thought was that I still had 10 more miles to go. My mom and aunt caught up to me and supplied me with some electrolytes. Again, I felt energized as I pushed forward, but once more I came to a point where I felt alone, lots of pain, and even more tired.

Right when I needed it most, my dad came running up from behind me and stopped to walk with me for a moment. Once again he said to me, “I am so proud of you. Keep going. I’ve been where you are going, and I have done what you just did and I know you can do this.” With tears in my eyes I continued forward. It was still hard, but my dad was once again right. I could do this!

The remaining 4 miles were extremely hard as I was in so much pain, I was exhausted, and I was alone for most of the time. I did however have a lot of time to reflect on this experience.

I thought about my Savior and how He, like my father, is there for us when we need him most. He is there when we are going through something so difficult and we just need to hear the words, “I am so proud of you. Keep going! I’ve been where you are going, I have experienced your pain, and I know you can do this.”

I couldn’t help my tears as this thought entered my mind. It was as if my Savior truly was saying those words to me at that time.

He knows how we feel. He’s experienced every pain and anguish we have felt and will feel. He felt and experienced all of it for US. All so that we could return back to our Heavenly Father.

Another thought came to my mind as I crossed the finish line—It didn’t matter that I was at the end of the pack. It didn’t matter how slow I was. All that mattered was that I kept going and I finished.

I imagine that our reunion with our Savior and Heavenly Father will be similar to this. It doesn’t matter if we finish last, all that matters is that we finish. And that we do our best.

The following Monday after this race, I had my tonsils removed. This was a whole other version of “hard”. It was painful and I was sick and I had no voice for two full weeks. The first of those two weeks was finals week for my summer semester. My mom drove me to the testing center, because I was on some crazy painkillers, so that I could take my Microbiology final.

I did better on that test than I did on any of the others for that class all semester long.

I don’t think I’ve ever been so relaxed while taking a test. It was truly a comical miracle.

The hardest part of the week was the lack of communication I had with people while at the same time feeling so much pain. The Lord was with me, though, and I recovered great and was blessed to be able to sing a couple notes higher than I ever had before.

This was a really quick insight that taught me that even though we can’t always see a good outcome right away, our Father in Heaven has a higher plan for us and He will bless us if we endure well.

Within three weeks, I was given multiple opportunities teaching me that I could do hard things. I am so grateful for each one.

September- EVERYTHING happens for a reason. 

I used to think it’d be embarrassing to say I met someone online. Or in my case on Tinder…. Maybe it was love at first “site” ;) but I firmly believe it all happened for a reason.

I had a couple co-workers at Fanzz who were the influence behind why I got a Tinder account. I can’t thank them enough.

I went on quite a few dates after getting it, but there is one in particular that I won’t forget.

September 11, 2014 I went on a date with my current boyfriend/best friend/the coolest person in the world whom I met on Tinder. We went to Tepanyaki, to Boondocks for go-carts, laser tag and arcade games, and then to Yogotogo for frozen yogurt.

To me this was quite the fancy first date! Not only was I impressed by such a spontaneous yet thought-out date, but also I truly enjoyed myself. He was so easy to talk to, and he didn’t think any of my questions were dumb. Maybe he thought they were weird… but he answered all of them anyway.

Since that day we have seen each other every day possible. The days we haven’t seen each other are because he has to travel for work every now and then and it’s physically impossible to see one another unless it’s through Face Time or Skype.

A few days after meeting Ty, I knew I really liked spending time with him and wanted to continue getting to know him better.

Ty has only been mad or frustrated with me once. A week after we met I heard that he was possibly going out of town for the weekend and at the same time I had been asked on a date for Friday and Saturday. I would have rather spent the time with Ty, but since he was going to be gone and we were not an official couple and I had nothing else going on, I said yes to both.

Then everything changed.

Ty wasn’t going out of town anymore, and I didn’t want to go on these dates.

Maybe this is horrible of me, but I was able to get out of the date on Saturday, but the only thing I could do about the date on Friday was call it a shorter night.

Knowing Ty would be home and I wasn’t going to be spending time with him was all that I could think about all of Friday.

But wait, you’re probably wondering about the fact that I just said I saw Ty everyday after our first date (where possible). This is true. Let me explain.

I thought about what I could do to see Ty on Friday. And this was how I was going to do it: A scavenger hunt.

Before I left for my date, I wrote up some clues and made a CD with some of my favorite songs on it to give to him. I then texted Ty telling him to go get an envelope under the bench on my front porch around 8 o’clock.

I could tell something was up because he was snippy in his texts back to me… I don’t blame him haha.

I left for my date planning that Ty would read the last clue and meet at 11:11PM at a park I used to go to all the time, where I would somehow surprise him by already being there. It was a stretch but I had to show him I cared about him.

My date went on and I had an enjoyable time, but this guy just wasn’t Ty. AT ALL. While on the date, all I could think about and hope was that Ty actually went to get the clue from my house so that I could meet him later.

Well it was getting later and later and I finally got home just after 11. Rushing to get to the park, where hopefully Ty would be, I raced back out the door (after my date had left of course). I received a text from Ty saying he couldn’t find the park on the street where I had directed him. I could almost hear the frustration in his words with each text.

I pretended to be in the bathroom on my date as I called him to explain I had given him the wrong road where the park was located on. On accident of course. I could definitely hear the frustration in his voice now and I kind of felt bad, but knowing I would see him soon, I didn’t feel so bad. He just didn’t know that yet.

It was probably closer to 11:30, instead of 11:11, when I saw him at the park (due to my unintentional misdirection), but this is one reason why I know everything happens for a reason.

Ty, being the sneaky guy that he is, decided that he would trick me and head to the park early thinking there was a slight chance I would be there.

He would have beaten me to the park, found nothing there, gone home, and never spoken another word to me ever again.

But for some reason I gave him the wrong road to look for. I temporarily forgot the street name to my favorite park in Kaysville, and because of that I was able to beat him there.

Coincidence? Never.

I also learned later on that Ty, being frustrated and mad with me for going on a date with someone else, almost didn’t go to my house to get the first clue. I don’t know what made him decide to do it, but whatever the case may be, I am grateful.

The next day we spent most of the day together and that night finally sealed the deal. Who were we kidding? Neither one of us wanted to go out with anyone else anyway.

The Lord works in mysterious ways. This is one experience I know didn’t just happen coincidentally. I met Ty for a reason, and he has stayed in my life for a reason. For that I am grateful and happy.

EVERYTHING happens for a reason.

October- You know you’ve reached a healthy level of happiness when not everything is going your way, but you are still happy because you can see a bigger picture. 

Ty has taught me so many things in the short four months that I have known him. It sure feels like it’s been a lot longer than four months.

He’s taught me that hard work is a very admirable quality.

Ty works very hard with everything he does. As a welder, his latest job has him working 12-hour days everyday until they are told otherwise. Most of us wouldn’t be able to wrap our brains around doing this. Yet, he hardly complains. He sees a bigger picture.

Like I mentioned, he sometimes has to travel for work to Wyoming or other parts of Utah and Idaho. It’s really hard when he leaves because I miss him a lot, but I am so grateful to know that we can do hard things. And to also know that we are both happy even when we are apart. Sure we love to be together and would rather have it be that way, but that doesn’t determine our happiness.

We’ve decided that our relationship is extremely easy. We get along so well, we know how to efficiently communicate, and we both have believing hearts and a sense of adventure.

We’ve also decided that since our relationship is easy, we have to go through hard things so that we can grow together.

We have done a lot of growing since we’ve met each other, and that makes me so grateful for all of those hard things we experience.

Ty doesn’t just show hard work and effort at work, but he has also shown me that he works hard for his relationships as well.

He has shown me that the people he loves are a priority in his life. He makes time for them, even when he is exhausted from a 12 hour day at work. It would be easy for him to go home after work, eat dinner and fall asleep until the next morning, but he doesn't. Time after time he will go home after work, shower and meet up with me, sometimes even forgetting to eat dinner. I know he must be exhausted, but I am so grateful for his example of hard work and knowing what his priorities are. I’m also grateful for all of the time we get to spend together.

November- Patience and understanding could solve every problem.

If we all understood that everyone was different and also that we can’t make people change unless they themselves want to change, we might be able to accept people for the way they are.

Patience goes hand in hand with this because it’s one thing to understand that not everyone is going to be exactly like us, but it’s another thing to have patience with those people.

Be patient.

Have an understanding heart.

I think that is all I need to say about this lesson learned.

December- I love words. 

This Christmas season was a very unique one as I thought months ago about what I should get each member of my family for Christmas.

In October, my family was sitting around joking that I should write a song for everyone based off of one word they gave me.

I took them seriously.

From October to December I took hours and hours to think of each of my family members individually along with the word that they gave me. It was quite the challenge due to the words given to me. Just to give you a perspective, I will tell you what the words and phrases were.

Dad: Foot

Mom: Wind, picture frames, or memories (she let me choose)

Colton: Sticky Note

Megan: Chair

Bailee: Bæ (Before Anyone Else)

Hallie: Jamaica

Can you see why it was a bit of a challenge?

It ended up being such an amazing experience as I adapted the words and phrases to mean someone to each person (except for poor Colton because his word was kind of really difficult to relate to him, so his ended up being a “joke” sort of song). It was really cool as I would finish a song to get it stuck in my head because all I could think about while humming it or singing it was the particular person it was about.

By Christmas Eve I had finished each of the songs and was able to sing each of them for my family on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. It was an incredible experience that evolved from a funny conversation we had months before. There were tears, laughs, and smiles as I sang the songs, and that was the greatest gift given back to me from my family.

I’ve always had a love for words, but when given the challenge to direct my words toward my family while singing them to an original tune made me love them even more.

Overall…

I would rather sail an experienced fisherman’s boat through patches of rough water, than a lovely small sailboat, smoothly sailing slowly toward an unknown dark storm.

I’ve learned over the past year that I would rather feel pain and hurt through hard times rather than to never go through anything hard and never learn anything.

It's important to go through hard things in our lives, but even more important is the way we prepare our attitude and actions for when those hard times come.

"By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail." -Benjamin Franklin

"A ship in a harbour is safe, but that is not what ships are built for." -William Shedd

I love my Savior. I know He lived for me. I know He died for me. I know my Heavenly Father loves me and watches over me in every moment. He has given me the life I have because it was what I needed, as well as what He needed as apart of his Plan of Happiness and Learning. I love my family. I love the people who have entered my life to teach me what I need to know to continually grow in this life. This is my simple testimony I share with you.

Thanks for listening.