A Madi Way of Life

I have been playing the game of life for just over 19 years now, and by no means do I have it figured out. I love the thrill, I love the unknown, and I love the learning. Most of the time anyway…

Life moves whether you move with it or not, and I have learned that moving forward with life is the best option. As many of you might agree. Too often do we find ourselves feeling stagnant, lost, and alone. None of which are true.

If you’re not moving forward, you’re moving backward. Often times we hear the word ‘stagnant’ refer to water, but is it actually possible to have stagnant water? Water is ALWAYS moving. Stagnant water just refers to water that doesn’t have an escape. It sits until it rots. It sits until it smells. I would say stagnant water is much like moving backward in life.

Lost. Immediately, when the word ‘lost’ is said I think of a few things: 1. The hit T.V. show I keep hearing I should have watched but never got into. 2. Having to use the GPS on my phone to get home from a foreign place. And 3. Having no idea what to do next in life. I’m going to safely assume that everyone has felt lost at some point, whether literally or figuratively.

We constantly look for guidelines to follow, goals to reach, and people to love. Without these things we feel “lost”. Yet other times we feel completely safe and satisfied with where we are. What makes the difference? I’ve always wondered. So maybe you feel stagnant and/or lost… but isn’t the word ‘alone’ really similar? I don’t believe it is. You can be in the middle lane of the freeway stuck in traffic going home, with plenty of people around you, and still feel alone. Why is that? I believe it’s because our mind isn’t letting us be aware of the sheer literal fact that we cannot be alone. There’s always someone. Always something. And we can’t exactly leave our self. But we still FEEL alone, and that’s when this gets tricky.

Feelings are real, we shouldn’t deny that. I do believe, though, that there is a way to better ourselves, better our feelings, and better our life. Stagnant, lost, and alone don’t have to be apart of who we are. We might feel them at times, but they don’t, by all means, define who we are. And that’s what I want to share with you.

The following list is one I have created for my personal life to help me realize that this crazy journey that we all get to be apart of really isn’t all that bad! In fact, I’ve learned to fall in love with it. Life, that is. The happy, the bad, the peaceful, the complicated, the hilarious, and even the frustrating parts of it. Take them as you will—but the following have become a part of my life and I am so much happier because of them.

      1.  Don’t get mad- and if you do, snap out of it

Let’s face it. I get mad. You get mad. We all get mad. With people, with slow Internet, traffic, broken objects, broken hearts… It happens. But if you think about it: Why are you mad? Because you know how good things can be.

You appreciate a fast-paced search engine. You love a good cruise down the freeway with the windows down and no cars around. You truly love someone even if they did something wrong. You had to appreciate those things before you could get mad with them.

Essentially what I am trying to say is that you lose opportunities when you are angry. Maybe the traffic allows you a few extra minutes to transition from work mode to home, maybe you miss out on a lesson of communication with a friend… all because you are mad. Let it go. (And I know you all probably just started to sing the famous ‘Frozen’ song in your head.) If you stay angry, when you are given the chance to forgive someone who hurt you, anger will almost always take over. You can’t truly love and be angry at the same time. So choose one. But if you ask me, I would advise you to love and forgive. You won’t feel angry anymore. (And there have also been studies done that have proven angry people live shorter lives… so, love and live long.)

One of my favorite quotes is by Thomas Edison. He states this, “There is time for everything.” Such a short, yet bold statement that has got me thinking. Our lives are so busy and it’s so hard to find balance between the many demands of our day. I promise you, if you make time for the things that are most important and necessary in your life, you will create a balance that fits you best. I’ve tried this, and I noticed a few things I just stopped doing. They were just simply unnecessary as well as taking up time for more important activities.

Don’t make time to be angry with someone. You waste precious time that you can’t get back. Lately I have had the topic of ‘time’ on my mind. I frequently ask myself the question, “What if I didn’t have tomorrow?” or even, “What if they didn’t have tomorrow?” Would you hold back from sharing your feelings? Would you stay mad with someone? Would you waste even a minute?

You can’t avoid anger sometimes, but you can get out of it.

    2. Don’t run up the stairs when it’s dark and you’re scared

As a kid (and maybe even now) you’ve probably had that moment when you were asked to go to the basement or storage room for a can of vegetables, by yourself, as a request from your mother or father. On your way back out, suddenly the dark becomes darker, the shadows become creatures, and you have to escape as fast as possible.

At a young age I started to challenge myself, in this scenario, to walk slowly and steadily out of the storage room and up the stairs in the dark instead of quickly and clumsily.

At first, it was simply to see if I could mentally do it. At a young age I realized I was stronger than I knew, and that it was all a mental game. You can make your mind believe anything, and I made mine believe it was strong enough to make it through the dark alone.

Later on, and even now, when I find myself in a dark room by myself, I try to walk slowly and steadily out to the light. We can learn a lot from this. Life gets dark and lonesome, and our mind plays tricks on us. We might even feel tempted to rush quickly through with a racing heart and a weak mind.

Recently, I talked with a friend who brought to my attention a two word phrase: “firm mind.”  It is talked about in a couple scriptures in Jacob 3 of The Book of Mormon.

 1 But behold, I, Jacob, would speak unto you that are pure in heart. Look unto God with firmness of mind, and pray unto him with exceeding faith, and he will console you in your afflictions, and he will plead your cause, and send down justice upon those who seek your destruction.

 2 O all ye that are pure in heart, lift up your heads and receive the pleasing word of God, and feast upon his love; for ye may, if your minds are firm, forever.

We are stronger than we know. Just remember your “firm mind” in your hardship. Then take a deep breath, and slowly and steadily walk out until you can relax in the light.

There are so many details we could go into with this scenario, but I am going to leave that to your own interpretation. To your own “firm mind.”

     3. Never run out of questions

Not only will this tip save you on an awkward date, but you will also become so much more knowledgeable. When it comes to people, subjects in school, and life, questions are the link you have to expanding each one.

Think about it. When you meet someone new how much do you know about them by looking at them? Maybe you can gather up a few things, but you don’t truly know anything until you ask questions.

The same goes for school as well as life. If you want to learn what dihydrogen monoxide is, ASK. SEARCH. Constantly strive to learn more. It’s cliché, I know.

Recently, I have decided that in life, there are two things I won’t let myself become—weak and dumb. I don’t have to be the skinniest or the smartest. I just need or want to feel fit and curious.

There is a HUGE difference. Asking questions definitely keeps you curious. It makes you an interesting person to talk to because you are interested in what’s being talked about. Try it out! Think of questions, not statements or comments, the next time you have a conversation with someone. Then tell me how it went, I want to knowJ

When you learn, you begin to love. I can’t remember a time when I knew nothing about someone, but just happened to fall in love with him or her anyway. It just doesn’t happen.

The same goes for general knowledge. Learn to love something so passionately that when it’s brought up in conversation, it makes you forget what you were first talking about. There is so much to be said about someone who loves what they do, loves what they learn, and loves to find out more.

      4.  Challenge yourself

“There’s no comfort in a growing zone, but there’s no growing in a comfort zone.” I don’t know who exactly said this, but I’ve never forgotten it since my brother, Colton, shared it with me.

I have always wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift car, but didn’t know if I’d ever have the opportunity as no one in my family has one. Well, recently, as I went out searching for a car, my dad and I came across one in decent shape. Naturally, knowing I had no idea how to drive this car, I bought it. I’ve always wanted to learn, so what better way to learn than to HAVE to learn, right?

I will tell you, the struggle of learning to drive this car was difficult for the first couple days, and I was so frustrated at times when I would stall at a traffic light holding up many cars. It was embarrassing and I was completely uncomfortable.

Throughout my experience thus far with my car, the quote my brother shared with me has continually come to mind.

It’s been almost two weeks since I bought my car and because of my discomfort in such a foreign thing, I have truly grown. I honestly believe that I never would have learned to drive a stick shift if I hadn’t put myself in an uncomfortable situation where I had to learn.

In life, it is so easy to do what we already know, what we already like, and what we think is easiest. Stop that. Picture it like this: you are a line constantly moving forward. When you do something you already know you continue at the same height and the same speed, but when you do something you’ve never tried, or stretch your current ability, you skyrocket, and from there you are able to reach even greater things. Make sense?

Push yourself. Be uncomfortable. You will grow, you will become confident, and you will succeed because you’ve tried.

Challenge yourself.

     5. Complaints only complicate

Don’t want to go to work early in the morning? Are you dreading your next class? You don’t want to do that last load of laundry? Don’t say it out loud! Don’t even show it. Smile and do as Nike says-Just do it.

I constantly catch myself thinking for a moment that I don’t want to go to work, or I don’t want to complete an assignment, or whatever it is!

One of the greatest lessons I have learned though, is to not complain. Don’t complain verbally, mentally, or physically. Don’t let others see it, hear it, or feel it. If they can’t tell you’re dreading something, you can’t tell either.

I believe this goes hand-in-hand, nicely, with living in the moment. This is one that you have to try to know it works. The next time you are at school or work, don’t look at the clock, don’t think about the next class or work assignment, don’t think about your plans for the weekend, but instead think about right now. Immerse yourself in what you are doing. It makes those long hour days fly by.

All it takes is a little appreciation and the complications of life will go away, or lessen anyway… So remember that the next time you want to dread something: Complaints only complicate.

     6. Don’t listen for the sound of silence

I once wrote a lyric for a song that went as follows:

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard the sound of silence,

I’ve always listened for a word, or some sort of existence.”

Think about those words. When I wrote them, I knew they were put in my mind for a reason. I started to think about silence, and the closest moment in my life when I thought I felt and heard silence, was a summer evening in the hills of Idaho.

I stared up at the stars, there was not a building in sight in any direction, and I’ve never felt such clean air. But it wasn’t silent. There were crickets all over the place, there was a soft wind rustling grass around me, and many other minor sounds disturbing my ‘peace.’

Think about it though, if you were to watch your favorite movie without sound, do you think you would make it all the way through? I know I couldn’t do it. So stop wanting silence! Stop trying to listen for it, you will NEVER hear it. You can’t. Instead, listen for peace, listen for happy, listen for some sort of existence.

Going back to the intro, you aren’t alone. There’s always someone or something there to remind you of this. Maybe this makes no sense—but give it time. It sank in for me; it will sink in for you.

      7. Find a quirk and make it apart of you

I’m kind of an open book. Most of you who know me, know that 7 means perfect in Hebrew, I have an obsession with shoelaces, and orange and green have been my favorite colors since before Jr. high. It’s almost like having a universal inside joke with everyone I come in contact with.

I love to be defined by things I love. Sure there is obviously a bit more to what makes up who I am, but this is the very surface.

For all of you who don’t know me, I have worn a shoelace around my neck as a necklace for over four years now. I never knew the reason why until a couple years ago when I decided to come up with one:

Shoelaces tie up your shoe and hold it firmly to your foot. Without them, there are some shoes that would fall off completely. Every morning when I pick a shoelace to wear I am reminded of what 'ties' my life together. Family, friends, and The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. They hold my life together when it gets rocky.

I have also found that shoelaces come in pairs. I am so lucky in my life to know that I am never alone. There is always someone else out there. Again, going back to the intro, no one is ever alone.

To all those who wondered why I wear a shoelace--now you know.

My message to you—know what ties your life together and always remember it. Don't do something just because it's cool, do something because it means something. Do it because that’s who you are. Don’t base your happiness solely on other people. YOU need to make YOU happy. Others making you happy is a beautiful side effect we have the privilege of feeling in this life.

So there you have it. 7 guidelines, if you will, of how to improve your life. The only reason I feel qualified to say the above, is because I have tried each and every thing listed and have seen the blessings and happiness each brings.

I am a happier person.

Of course there are always areas to improve, there are always more lessons to be learned, and you can never run out of questions. So start asking! Start moving forward. Accomplish something that defines you as you. I PROMISE you will feel the peace and happiness that comes from doing so.

I love life. It’s too good not to love. And the only reason I know it’s good, is because I have seen bad. But we push through, we learn, and we become better.

Only because we start today.

Madi Mouritsen