My Doctor’s Name Was Ursula
I had to think about it for a second before this really sank
in, but when my dad went around the house the day I had my tonsils removed
saying that my doctor’s name was Ursula, it finally
sank in. I had no voice. I still have no voice. It’s been about four
frustrating days since I had my tonsils removed, and I think it would be safe
to say that I am ready to talk. Or sing. Or communicate faster in general. So
much sympathy goes out to my Mermaid friend, Ariel, who essentially loses her
voice for legs and true love. Ever find yourself extremely frustrated while
watching that show because you just want her to be able to blurt her name out
to Prince Eric? Well, I’ve found myself extremely frustrated with myself these
past couple days just wanting to blurt out a simple “thank you” or “hello.” I’m
sorry for my lack of patience, Ariel, and a huge shout out (in typed form, of
course) to my family and friends for their patience with me.
It’s as if because I can’t
really talk (or aren’t supposed to), I want to say
more. It’s in this process that I’ve learned a lot already.
For one, I’ve learned a lot of patience. People don’t
always understand made up sign language, especially when it turns into an
unwanted game of charades. I really am so grateful that my family is patient
with me. Or maybe it’s a sign that they upgraded me to
writing on a hand-held white board exactly what I’m trying to say…
Either way, I’m grateful for them.
Another lesson I’ve learned is how loud
our actions truly are. Most who know me, know I am not one to show a lot of
emotion. So in my quest this week to find a voice I can use in place of the one
I can’t currently use, I found facial expressions. This is a
lesson I hope carries on even after I have my voice back. I Skyped a good
friend of mine this evening and had to write everything down on my white board
to tell him what I wanted to say… what a slow form of
communication—So I really had to step up the facial expressions so he could
know even a little of what I was feeling, or thinking. What a unique
conversation that was for the both of us. I also have to thank him for his patience
as I wrote out everything and didn't say a word.
Yet another lesson verified while being voiceless is truly
how much I love words and how powerful they can be and are. I can’t
even begin to express this enough. Writing is so important as it is one of the
few ways we will actually remember things. Sometimes we challenge our minds to
be stronger than they are, and we regret it later. I am guilty of this constantly.
I always push my mind to its limit without having a back up plan. For example, I
went in to take a test the other day only briefly running through the testing
material relying on my mind to remember all of it so that I could ace the test.
Well I got to the testing center and I stretched my mind as far as I could, but
couldn’t remember hardly anything I had “studied.”
There are times in life when I have a sharp mind and can remember almost
anything. It’s times like when I was taking my
test, that I really appreciate the times my mind is sharp. I wish so badly I
would take my own advice of writing things down diligently. I think then I
could always have the sharp mind I want.
It has been interesting going through this week having to
rely on many others for help. It makes me think of myself in the far future
when I am not so reliant upon myself for things, but others. With the
medication I have taken to help with pain, I have lost my appetite, my
strength, and some might even add to the list, my mind. I had to take a final
this week and my sweet mother had to drive me to the testing center so I could take
it and then she drove me home. My two younger sisters have been so great to get
me my medication at the times I need it. My youngest sister stayed up until two
in the morning to get me my medication as well as some soup to have with it.
She also supplied me with her favorite stuffed animals and a movie to get me
through the night. My dad is always asking what he can do for me, and is so
great when it comes to surprising me with a movie to watch. I’ve
had multiple friends come to visit and just sit with me or play the piano for
me or help me with homework. In my current state, there just isn’t
much I can do alone. Through all of this though, my mind hasn’t
stopped racing. I just don’t think it’s
in my genes to stop thinking (or anyone’s really…
mine just seem to be on fire at the moment). I have just wanted to shout at
everyone who has helped me, “THANK YOU”
because I truly do mean it. It means the world to me that I have so many people
who care enough for me to help me do everything I need to do in order to stay
on task and get better.
I think about Ariel and her priorities. She had an amazing
singing voice, but she was willing to give it up due to her curiosity. She
wanted legs because she thought they were better than what she had. Without her
voice, though, her legs were almost powerless. She needed the help of her
friends and family to get Prince Eric to hear her out and learn who she was. In
the end, she gains back her voice and realizes that legs are in no way more
important than the people (and creatures) in her life, which is the lesson she
needed all along. To sum up everything I’ve been trying to say: a
voice is a powerful thing. I’m not saying we have to
have a beautiful singing voice, or even a talking voice to say what we need to
say… I’m saying that our words and our
actions are just as loud as a voice, because it’s all coming from the
same mind. I hope this is making sense. I hope that any way you use your voice,
is a way that is most powerful to you.
--A Tonsil-less Madi
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